And another

Well it is the New Year, not sure what to make of 2020 right now. Things that are happening all over the world, are incredibly scary. If any of you crafters out there are interested there are some groups out there that are in need of items for the animals that have been rescued in Australia

The Animal Rescue Guild has information regarding items that are needed, drop off locations people can send items together so it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg, and in their files section there are some patterns for items needed.

Heist Jewellery AU also has information regarding patterns and drop off locations as well.

I hope people will consider helping out.

Normally when I mention things like the above I end my post with that, however I’m trying to kick myself in the butt and keep writing and if I don’t write a normal post well, you won’t see anything else for who knows how long.

I wasn’t sure if I intended to post about therapy but I want you to all know what is going on with me right now, as I am struggling with getting better.

Today I started with my new therapist and was given a diagnoses of chronic ptsd. I don’t know what to make of that and I don’t know how much of that I will be sharing to be honest. I’ve sadly witnessed people tear other people down over ptsd before, because when most people think of ptsd they think of a solider in the war. So they assume that if you fighting in a war then you couldn’t have it.

Mine does not come from a war, but rather an abusive childhood. There was a lot of physical, mental, and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother. I had done so well to just “keep calm and carry on” for most of my life, I kept my children away from toxic situations, and helped shield them from things.

However, as previously stated in past blogs, I have not been able to move on from finding out that my dad was not my biological father. Due to this it caused issues with my maternal family, support systems were damaged and everything just fell apart. Now I’m just trying move forward.

I saw this meme and along with release, this is five things I hope will change in 2020.

So exhale now that, THAT is out of the way. Here are a few crafty things I’ve finished, started, and put aside ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜’

I finished a blanket

I started Griffin socks or Dragonโ€™s egg socks as they are listed on Ravelry, though in the book Knitting Wizardry they are referred to as Griffin socks

They have been recently set aside so that I might work on a few items for the group I mentioned above.

I had an idea last month, of how I could pick what pattern to work on. I never know which to choose and I am trying to use up my stash so that all I have left are my own hand spun yarns. I have a variety of tv shows/movies I like to watch and knitting books and magazines to go along with said shows.

So I used the app Spin The Wheel to help me decide what theme I would be going with, from there I spin for a pattern of them theme it lands on above. That way I can work my way through my patterns while watching the shows and movies. I was hoping to add Downton Abbey to the list but I’m having a hard time finding a copy of The Best of Downton Abbey Pattern Collection, it appears to be out of stock everywhere.

Knitting Wizardry

Highland Knits

Once Upon a Knit

Enchanted Knits

Jane Austen Knits

I am hoping this will help me use up my stash and help me branch out when it comes to knitting.

Thank you all for your patience while I’m trying to figure out how to fix my current situation in life.

Have a great evening folks!

Itโ€™s finished

I’ve spent the last few months focusing on kids, mental health, and Christmas presents. I’ve taken a few more steps to feeling better, taking time….more time than I meant but it helped. I’ve made several big changes and I feel lighter, less anxious, I’m not crying nearly as much.

Last week we had a big scare at our house when Leif’s appendix burst. He gets sick often due to his sunken chest, but this time it was different, He had stomach pains, he didn’t complain about them. A trip to the Dr confirmed my suspicions, yet unfortunately in the ten minute drive from the Dr to the hospital his appendix ruptured.

They quickly got him in and out of surgery and we spent six days at the hospital. After the first few days he was in good spirits, but his fever kept spiking. We were able to leave when he was 24 hours fever free.

He has been hanging out at home this week and will be able to return to school in the New Year.

So what did I finish you ask?

The Min Ulla scarf that I started two houses ago. Can you believe it? I am still in shock… though I only just finished it thirty minutes ago. It is now folded in a box, waiting to be wrapped for Christmas.

Here are a few other items I have completed since the last time I posted

Have a great weekend folks!

Iโ€™m here

Thank you for all the kind words, I am back and feeling better. I’ve been able to get my anxiety under control. Still dealing with family situations but I am working through things and plugging along.

I was able to finish the baby blanket for my best friend

And started another present for when baby boy comes along

My best friend and her husband own a bowling alley, I found this to be fitting ๐Ÿ˜‚

I’ve finished spinning up my shades of blue yarn

I started my Halloween costume

cleaned up messes. This was huge for me, I always have a hard time keeping my craft room tidy, I’ve been given a lot of fabric over the years and well I’ve had to put a stop to it. I need to use all of this before I can take anymore.

We’ve started making signs for art class

And finally, after almost two years. I broke out my sewing machine

Its good to be back, it’s good to heal through creativity.

Have a great weekend folks!

Letโ€™s get real

I have been on a journey this year, some of it I mentioned on here this past spring, but I did not go into how much it affected my daily life. I feel like when I talked about it I brushed off the emotions and what I went through and have been mentally going through…I made it sound as if it was all okay.

We are going to get real here, because the anxiety and breakdowns have kept me from writing.

Last March my whole life changed when I found out that my dad wasn’t my birth father, I went from having two half sisters to five half sisters and three half brothers (+three step brothers if I really wanted to make it all crazy ๐Ÿ˜) somedays I am just fine, I can go through my daily life as though nothing has changed…as long as I am busy enough.

When I was working, I was too focused on what was going on at work and that is where my head was, it was perfect. Then summer happened and it was discussed that I was absolutely needed more at home, and while I tried to keep myself busy at home, my mind always wandered.

Kids, gardening, audiobooks, spinning, knitting, crocheting…one would think those things would be easy to keep my brain busy, but it didn’t work. I’ve had many days of being fine and then randomly breaking down and crying, panic and anxiety attacks. My brain never stops thinking about the situation. I worry about my dad, I am sadden that I will never meet my biological dad as he passed years ago.

Aside from the mental and emotional aspect of it, I find myself being shunned by certain members of my maternal family, I have one family member in particular trying to ban me from family events, simply for accidentally finding out the truth.

I didn’t do this test excepting to find out about this, I was trying to continue to build my family tree, get passed road blocks, and as I previously mentioned find out if my third great grandmother came from Spain or New Hampshire.

However, I do feel like I am slowly getting better. My new siblings have welcomed me and I’ve spent many days at the beach with my oldest sister, my niece, and my grand niece and nephew this summer. I’ve found a support group online, full of other people going through the same thing and it has very much helped me.

I’ve also recently joined a group where you heal through creativity and I am hoping that it will help me get up and work on things ( I haven’t touched my sewing machine since finding out). So please bear with me, the lack of posts, and know that I daily I am wanting to come and write, I might just not be emotionally okay I’m those days.

I hope you all have a great weekend, my heart goes out to those affected by the hurricane. Please stay safe.

Home

We are home from our trip, still without answers, unsure of what we want to do….not that’s half a lie, I’m pretty sure I want to stay in New Hampshire, I love the seasons, I love the snow, the cool air, this is home. Toph is still unsure, has talked of us going back down with the kid’s, dogs, cat, fish, and ferret and staying for three months to get a feel and then decide.

We will see, it is beautiful down there but too hot at the same time.

On our first full day we arrived in Amish Country PA

Homemade root beer was purchased

We went on a tour and though I haven’t worked with horses for 20 years, I was complimented by a nice Amish man on how well I handled his team. He didn’t seem to believe me when I told how I grew up on a farm, but driving the horses back to the tour area he looked at me and said “Oh wow, you have done this before!”

We stopped at several beautiful shops and me being me, well…

Wool was a must (then I came home to a greater surprise when my friend down the road gifted me with a 55 gallon trash bag full of alpaca.)

On day two we found ourselves in Virginia, we drove on the Skyline Highway

Went on a 7.9 mile hike

Where we made a friend

Virginia is truly a beautiful state

We stopped overnight in Tennessee before heading to North Carolina to stay with family for a night.

We went on another hike and met another friend

This one did not want to leave the trail, didn’t care that we were there (the other deer was a bit skittish).

We headed back to Virginia and toward the destination of the childhood home of the creator of one of my favorite shows

The museum is set up in the former high school in Schuyler Virginia, just down the road you will find the Hamner house and a little further down the road is a shop that is little gift shop where I purchased a book that was (maybe) signed by Earl Hamner Jr.

I very much enjoyed the little town, it was beautiful and the museum was perfect! Everything at the gift shop was beautiful and affordable. I highly recommend visiting.

The last day in Virginia was spent in Swoope, we have previously been here to visit Joel Salatin from Polyface farm, unfortunately we got there right after closing but it was worth the excursion.

My favorite place at the end of the trip was of course home, sitting around the fire, watching the sunset and enjoying the sound of the critters.

Have a great day folks!

What season is it?

With the chilly weather outside, one could hardly believe that it is almost summer time, the bugs, flowers, and allergies are here, but we have been lacking the warmth from the sunshine.

I’ve found ways to distract myself though, in the form of canning and you guessed it, spinning.

For the first time ever I have canned some jelly/honey like concoction from lilacs

More like honey, less like jelly. A little of both but not at the same time. We enjoy it though.

I love lilacs, my grandmother’s loved lilacs as well and each year I look forward to smelling their sweet scent in the air.

I’m really enjoying my new wheel, it’s so smooth and easy to use.

This is Doodle/Romney blend I spun up for a friend who lost her pooch a while back.

This is a Polworth/Silk blend that I dyed myself

Thoughts of the beach were my inspiration for the colors

Around this time however I started to realize the sad truth about my wheel…or my bobbin per say. It can only hold so much yarn, that would not do.

So I placed an order and while I awaited for my parcel, I spun up this beautiful chocolate mint Shetland/Merino combo.

The super flyer kit was exactly what I needed for my wheel

It’s huge and will hold a 500gms of yarn compared to the smaller bobbin that only holds 130gm.

I can also make bulky yarn now if I chose to!

With my order came this lovely merino wool to sample

Shades of blues and grays

I hope your day is more sunny than gray wherever you are!

Have a great day folks!

Hello May

First I just wanted to say, that I am not disappointed about the snow that is supposed to arrive tomorrow. Yes, I know it’s spring, I can’t help it.

I am however worried about these little creatures

Hopefully they will stay nice and warm under the heat lamp.

I would also very much like to get these veggies in the garden

May is here and along with it a birthday (My 35th ๐Ÿ˜ณ), Mother’s Day, and well, a weekend that I can compare to Christmas.

Yes folks that’s right, New Hampshire Sheep and Wool! I went alone this year but was specifically told that I was not allowed to bring home any animals…and believe me, there were a few for sale, so I very well could have.

Instead I had to settle for sheep and alpaca cuddles, browsing all the fine wool and yarns, and of course I purchased three fleeces

Cotswold, though I just realized I still have a pound from last year I haven’t even touched (whoops!), Finn which is a new one for me, and then coopworth ๐Ÿ˜, I also purchased a new bobbin for my wheel and believe it or not I actually came home with cash.

Yesterday for Mother’s Day was spent shivering under layers and layers of fleece sweaters, though it got up to 57, the sun never came out to say hello. My mother in law and I spent our day working on my walkway

I am not the best gardener, almost all the flowers on my property were planted by the previous owner who won awards for gardens. Thankfully they are almost effortless to maintain. My mother in law use to work at a nursery and is very helpful, helping me get flowers that are low maintenance.

Last week I purchased some beautiful merino and silk roving from Port Fiber over in Portland Maine, every time I go there I make sure to stop in a peruse all of the beautiful fibers Casey has in her shop. (If you are a fan of Taproot, they are less than two minutes down the road)

I was on a mission as soon as I purchased this wool, I knew the exact colors I wanted to dye this wool and holy moly…I’m blown away!

I have to finish the doodle/romney blend I am spinning up for a friend and then I will start spinning this up, I took a short five minute class at the Sheep and Wool Festival and was taught how to spin my yarn just a little thicker, so I have high hopes for this yarn!

Speaking of homespun

The Bandana cowl is finally complete, I need to give it a soak in something (I don’t know what) to soften it up, but I am a happy camper.

Have a great day folks, and for all you snow lovers in Maine and New Hampshire, enjoy!