Hello everyone, I did not mean to be gone so long. I feel like a fair weather friend who pops in and out of your life, a little unreliable I know but I’m still working through mental health issues.
Actually one thing that I did about a month ago that really seems like such a small change, something that wouldn’t change things or make things better but it did. I made the decision to change my first name and to add a middle name, as I never had one to begin with. I spent a long time reading and discussing with not only my husband but also my therapist the mental benefits of changing your name after trauma.
I no longer have the name given to me by my abuser, but a name I picked for myself. I will tell you it is nice to not associate my name with anger, fear, and pain. It was weird at first, but I think that is normal when you make a big change in your life. Now I am filled with relief and things have only gotten better.
So I would like to re-introduce myself to you all, I know I went by Raea though I rarely said it, it was part of my first name though due to privacy issues I’ll never give out my former full first name. Mainly because I’ve never met anyone else with that name. However, Hello. My name is Isabella, it’s nice to re-meet you all.
Since changing my name, dropping my old one and moving forward I’ve been doing much better mentally wise. Yoga and meditation are a daily thing for me now, Leif purchased a VR headset with money he saved up and lets me use it for one of the meditation apps that I feel has done a world of good for me. The app for anyone interested it is called Tripp (Not getting sponsored by them, I just want to help anyone else who might need it).
Meditation has really helped put me in a good headspace, when I am in a good headspace I function better. Following cleaning checklists I had previously made for myself with hopes that I could start a habit, my house wasn’t exactly a mess, but with two cats and two dogs, sweeping and vacuuming happens more than once a day.
Also, I am ashamed that my craftroom got so bad, but I tossed a lot of things last weekend, things that had been drilled into my head that I must keep just in case. A piece of cardboard, a bit of string. I wont say I tossed out everything but several full boxes and trashbags were removed and I still have a ways to go….I hope I don’t lose my crafting card when I tell you, that some was a bit of fabric given to me that when folded looked like it would be a full pieces of fabric, only to open up and giant holes cut out.
I wasn’t sure when I planned this post, whether or not I would share this picture. However it’s part of the journey crafting and healing wise. The other side of the craftroom well, it’s not bad but I need to wash the windows of the greenhouse doors and then I will take a picture. I still have a ways to go but I don’t feel depressed being in this room any longer. I’m not overwhelmed by the clutter.
And yes for those of you who are wondering, a foot has been put down and there will be no more purchasing of yarn lol
One thing I desperately need to hit project wise is my spinning basket
This and of course the rest of my wool waiting to be spun up and turned into something amazing. Whether it be knit, crocheted, or woven
Also cleaning my craft room has inspired me to sew again, I struggled before with finishing the quilt. Not because I didn’t want to but because functioning was something I was struggling with. I have started making unpaper towels
It feels so nice to be sitting at my machine again, I’m looking forward to making headway on my rope basket, and hopefully other items as well. I’m trying hard not to plan things out too far in advance, as I’m finding that is when I get overwhelmed and my brain goes everywhere at once.
I’m also learning that I can no longer take commissions for items. It is one thing to make items and list them for sale, but when you have a deadline or have people who want to haggle price or pull the “It’s cheaper at walmart” move, it just makes me feel resentful inside in a way.
I have exactly three dolls that I am working on that I was asked to make before I finally decided that I would no longer take commissions. From here on I make things because I want to.
I want to say I truly appreciate everyone who has stuck with me during this….strange time in my life. Everyone who has followed my blog, even though it’s been months since I have written. You are the real MVP’s
Have a great week folks!